My Amazing Mom

For nearly 90 years Helen Rita fought the good fight. Born in 1929, only months before the start of the Great Depression, Helen was the youngest of eight. Born to Bridget and William Deasy, a head housekeeper and the estate keeper for a wealthy family on the Gold Coast of Long Island. Growing up on the estate overlooking the Long Island Sound, she was instilled with a love of nature and sport.

Mom was a tomboy. Palling around with my uncle, Sonny, climbing trees, hiking the dunes, swimming, playing baseball and football, and learning to show jump. She became a cheerleader, which until the 1940s was a male sport. As a member of the Greatest Generation, she did her part. This would all come to an abrupt stop in 1945. Coming home from school with a cold, she was rushed to the polio treatment center in Port Jefferson, St. Charles Hospital. Within days of the diagnosis, Mom was paralyzed from her face down. For nearly 14 months Helen, fought her way back to health. Only discharged when she was able to touch her nose to her knees.

Post recovery Helen became an X-Ray technician. While watching Sonny play baseball she met her husband, Robert J. Iberger, and they began their life together. They raised a family of 4 children, sent them all to parochial school, and started a successful business. She was the favorite aunt to more than 50 nieces and nephews. She bred German Shepard puppies, and landscaped 2 wooded acres into beautiful gardens. Carving little vignettes through the woods, planting shrubs, ornamental plants, and flowers chosen to draw in songbirds and butterflies. She created wildlife sanctuaries thoughtfully placing water features for birds, squirrels, chipmunks, deer, bees, and butterflies.

Always ahead of her time, she was an animal rights activist from a very young age. Raising her children to respect, support, and love animals. While we always had two German Shepherds and two cats, we also had a flock of chickens, a peacock, rabbits, a pair of mallards, a Koi fish pond, a racoon, a parrot, parakeets, hamsters, guinea pigs, snakes, and an aquarium filled with tropical fish.

She taught us kindness, integrity, fortitude, and that our actions mattered. She taught us to be strong and always do the right thing, even if it hurts. She never complained about her troubles, she just did what needed to be done. She lived by the Golden Rule.

Time marches on, and unfortunately polio was not Mom’s only health challenge, over the next 6 decades she survived: Miscarriage, birthing 4 children, postpartum hemorrhaging, double collapsed lungs, bee venom anaphylaxis, a ruptured appendix, caring for her dying husband and his death, a ruptured peritoneum which resulted in severe malnutrition and depression, the death of child, chemo and radiation therapies, 3 years with stage 4 lung cancer, and the final blow, a right-sided stroke losing her ability to walk and speak.

She was living independently, driving only 3 days before the stroke. For 3 months she endured the physical therapy, pureed nursing home food, and 3 kids hovering over her, fighting like hell to get back home. She began to make progress, but the cancer took over. My mom, Helen Rita Deasy Iberger, was unbelievably strong both physically and mentally. She lost her last battle in July of 2019. The end was cruel and unfair to someone who played by the rules, who worked hard to be strong and lead by example. My mom was amazing!